I feel the world with such shattering intensity that sometimes it's hard to believe that I can get up in the morning and go about my day without getting pulled into some emotional and sensory storm and getting lost on the wind.

My daily battle is to use this energy to further my own life goals instead of hindering them. I am only moderately successful. But I strive. It will be worth it to be successful, so that I can spend more time feeling, experiencing and doing, and not be trapped in a place of survival and panic.

I am feeling pretty good about where I'm at right now - just have to clean up the lingering financial mess and move on.

Of course, listening to a powerful song that hits on many of my emo triggers is not helping me get off on a good start to my day. Or maybe it is, in sending me off awake.

Music

I like music that has unexpected key changes, intense base lines... music that soars and resonates. I'm a sucker for metal band power ballads, for instance. I was raised early on to appreciate many different genres, and got a lot of classical and classic rock under my belt, in particular.
The music that stays in heavy rotation tends to really emotionally resonate. If I'm listening to music for background, it needs to be light and frippery and low in volume. If you take one of these frippery songs and blast it, I go into shutdown mode. If you take one of my heavy emotional songs and blast it, particularly if I'm not expecting it (like "Uninvited" the other day at work), I had to find a solitary place for a moment to experience the song, and hoped that I wouldn't get pried away by interaction or a task. Now I've been listening to it a lot throughout the day.

Whoops, tense issues there. Can't be bothered to go back and parse that out, because this blog is mostly about writing the stream of thoughts in my head and not obsessively editing for grammar. I still had to make that disclaimer, though. :)

Ah yes, music. I can enjoy happy stuff, but it still tends to have the unexpected key changes and nice beats. 70s era disco diva songs are surprisingly fertile (and gay) grounds. Donna Summer's cover of MacArthur Park is a good example there, as is Dancing Queen by Abba. I can get away with liking stuff like this in public because i'm a big queer-bo and so are most of my friends and many of my co-workers.

(I just got completely distracted by a 2006 performance of MacArthur Park by Donna Summer on youtube. Really, gonna finish this entry some time tonight.)

Or maybe not. Another day.

Aspie experiences

I was down in the basement doing laundry, folding clothing alone in a dimly florescent lit room, when I wondered what it would be like if I wrote a book on my aspie experiences.

Would it be a smooth narrative, or broken into sections of stories around particular topics? "Driving" could be quite a large section.

So could "finances" and "using the telephone."

Of course, I'd want to talk about the good stuff, too, although that seems like the stuff that's actually harder to put into words. It would be worth the effort, though, because so much is focused on the disability and not so much on the amazing perception powers one has.

I might use this blog to test some of that writing out, so if anyone out there is actually reading this, you have something to look forward to other than whining. Oh, and please don't steal my material.